Like a Ray of Light
by bohr-d
Summary: [Watari introspective, inspired by an icon seen on LiveJournal.] Because, maybe, after smiling for so long, no one really notices when you start to fall apart... [spoilers for Kyoto arc]


**Like a Ray of Light  
-samuraiduck27**

A/N: I know, I know. I have like… three other stories to be working on. Shoot me. One-shot on Watari, slightly angsty. But hey- there's a serious lack of angsty!Watari here, and there must be more.

I'm very nervous about posting this piece... and I don't know why. :(

SPOILERS: Slight Kyoto arc. Actually... a lot of the Kyoto arc. Just so you know.

DISCLAIMER: I don't own Yami no Matsuei. Don't remind me. D:

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Watari Yutaka was like a ray of light.

There wasn't really another way to describe the man.

In the midst of the depressing atmosphere of the Shokan Division of Meifu, the constant smiling and cheery optimism that was Watari was like a bolt of sunshine breaking through the clouds. The man even resembled sunshine with his long, messy mass of golden hair and identically hued eyes seemingly always alight with mischief.

Chaos followed the genki blonde in forms of lab explosions, potions gone awry, or spiked coffee in the break room. Though this usually resulted in Watari being hounded down by the victim of his experiments, or more often than not an angry Tatsumi Seiichirou.

No one could really stay in a depressed state around the blonde. They had more important things to worry about- like the state of their coffee and snacks.

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Watari Yutaka was the one you went to when you needed to talk.

The golden-haired scientist worked in the quietest sector of the JuOhCho, and therefore was able to be found tinkering in his lab most of the time. He had this amazing air about him that seemed as if nothing could ever bring him down. If you ever needed to vent about something, or were looking for a bit of advice, the optimistic man would drop anything and everything to try and help.

With a smile and a few carefully placed words, Watari could make even someone in the deepest pit of depression feel as if things would, eventually, be all right.

He gave everyone what he or she wanted to hear. What they _needed_ to hear.

_Smile for me_, and he would smile.

_Tell me everything will be fine_, and he would.

_Distract me from my guilt, my shame, my worries_, and an explosion would be soon in coming.

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Watari Yutaka wasn't as good of a field agent as he was a researcher.

_That_ case wasn't supposed to be too hard. Sure, Muraki had been involved, but this time there were four shinigami working on the mystery. Surely that should have upped their chances of success at least a bit, looking from a scientific standpoint.

But things had gone wrong.

_Kyoto_ had gone wrong.

The case had been a nightmare, even though the shinigami pulled through in the end. Everyone had their issues, and their weaknesses pulled out in front of them during those few days.

Tsuzuki felt guilty for existing.

Hisoka needed Tsuzuki to live, if only just for him.

Tatsumi cared so much for the violet-eyed man but wouldn't ever admit how much.

And Watari? Watari realized how much of a failure he was at his work.

He hadn't done anything useful during the Kyoto Case. It was Hisoka who fought Oriya, Hisoka who asked Tsuzuki to live for him, Tsuzuki who had burned Muraki's laboratory and stabbed the madman, and it was Tatsumi was the one who pulled the pair in charge of Kyushu out of the flames.

Watari was just… there. Just stood there, observing while his friends put their lives on the line. Stood there while Muraki abducted Tsuzuki straight out of the Meifu.

Sometimes, the blonde felt truly useless.

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Watari Yutaka was unappreciated.

His smiles had been there for so long, his explosions and outbursts a normal, everyday part of life that no one really expected it to change.

But Kyoto _had_ changed him.

And so, no one noticed when the smiles he constantly wore became strained more and more with each passing day.

That the explosions in his lab grew more violent and more often.

The coffee hadn't been spiked in days, and the amount of overtime the blonde worked was alarming.

Tatsumi vaguely wondered why the blonde hadn't pestered him for funding lately. But Tsuzuki's three-month late reports drew thoughts elsewhere.

Dark circles appeared under weary amber eyes. Appearances in the break room grew few and far between.

After a while, Tsuzuki frowned at the state his long-time friend was in.

After a while, Hisoka couldn't get a read on Watari's emotions.

A visit to the lab was in order.

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* * *

_Watari Yutaka was very disorganized. 

But this, Tsuzuki mused, had to be a new low for the man.

Old case files were everywhere. Bunsen burners had been shut down and chemicals shoved to the side to make room for the stacks of paper and dozens of Styrofoam cups littering the desk and lab tables.

The owner himself was in the same shape as his lab.

"Watari? Is… everything all right?"

A smile, but Tsuzuki noticed it looked a bit strained and weary for Watari's usual grin.

"Of course, Tsuzuki. Just… having a bit of trouble with an experiment, that's all."

Violet eyes gave Watari a worried look, "But, Watari, your lab…"

"It's _nothing_. I've just got a lot on my mind."

Tsuzuki pouted and Watari chuckled, shutting the door and waving his friend off with promises that he was fine. The man hesitated, but knew that Watari was fine. A few off days were normal for anyone working in Meifu.

He went back to his stacks of unfinished paperwork with a slightly lighter heart.

Behind the door, the blonde sighed and went back to work.

003 hooted mournfully for her human as she nipped softly at his ear.

"I'm sorry girl, but I… I just can't let him get away. It was my case; my sector…"

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Watari Yutaka was a hard worker. But there is a fine line between that and obsession.

One day, there was an important staff meeting that was mandatory. Watari never showed up.

Tsuzuki thought that he had finally taken a day off. He had been working so hard on something as of late.

The majority of the office thought it was a new potion for him to terrorize them with. There hadn't been any major disasters coming from that twisted, brilliant mind in a long while.

But when a day turned into a week did they begin to suspect that something was wrong.

It became clear when 003's worried and frantic hooting interrupted Tatsumi in his office. He followed her back to the lab.

Tatsumi found Watari still obsessing a pile of case files, all pertaining to the Kyoto case that everyone had finally been able to start putting behind them.

But it seemed Watari couldn't get over it.

Watari drove himself too far trying to make up for something he thought was his own fault, but wasn't.

"Watari-san? Watari-san!"

There was no response, and only then did Tatsumi begin to panic. He reached out a hand and shook the shoulder of the blonde in front of him; his eyes focused intently on the computer screen in front of him.

Watari spun around, madness gleaming in his burning gold eyes as he studied the Kagetsukai. Upon realizing who it was that disturbed him, his false front returned. Quickly, Watari went to close windows on his computer and straighten up his workplace.

"Aaa, Tatsumi! What can I do for you?"

Tatsumi gripped Watari's wrist, stopping Watari from cleaning any further. "What are you doing?"

"Umm…"

Blue eyes surveyed the man in front of him; dark, dark rings were seen under bloodshot eyes, usually beautiful golden locks were tarnished into a dull, brassy color from mistreatment and a week of oil buildup. Clothes were so wrinkled and rumpled that Tatsumi wondered if the man had ever gone home.

"Watari, what's gotten into you?"

The lack of honorific didn't go unnoticed, and weary, unfocused amber eyes looked up in Tatsumi's direction.

The Secretary wondered how long this had gone on for.

Why hadn't he noticed?

A small voice in the back of his mind answered him. _'Because... maybe sometimes, after smiling for so long, no one really notices when you start to fall apart.'_

"…Watari."

"I'm… tired, Tatsumi… but I'll only be at this a little while longer, I promise."

"Then you'll put Kyoto behind you?"

Tatsumi would have given anything for Hisoka's empathy at that moment. Watari's eyes held a strange glimmer in them as he replied, "Yes. I'll put it behind me."

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Watari Yutaka was determined to find Muraki, or die trying. But death wasn't really an option for a shinigami, and when he failed at locating him he took the next best thing.

003 refused to leave her human's lab, and it took a lot of coaxing on Tsuzuki's part to bring her out.

Amidst the piles of unauthorized files and folders taken out by the scientist, there was, Tatsumi found, the end of a report written in Watari's own hand:

_**The target, one Muraki Kazutaka, was unable to be traced. Attempts at locating and/or apprehending the target have failed**. _

Underneath that, were three words Tatsumi had never heard Watari utter once in the decades that they had worked together.

_**I give up**._

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Watari Yutaka was like a ray of light. 

He was also annoying, disorganized, disturbingly optimistic, accident prone, and more than a bit insane.

But only when he requested ascension from Enma Daioh and was given it, did the Shokan Division really notice how dark the Meifu could be without him.

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A/N: Review please. Concrit is loved. First time trying to write a more serious Watari piece. I need practice with him. D:

Ja ne, minna.  
SD27


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